Wednesday, August 22, 2007
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Ultra Sonido
Ultra Sound in English sort of falls out of your mouth like a brick, but in Spanish---"ultra sonido"...doesn't that sound like poetry?
Today is my intensive ultrasound where we get to peek at all those amazing little baby parts and maybe even find out if it's "she" or "he". This is probably my favorite day of being pregnant. Someday I'm going to spring for one of those 3D picture packages where they photograph your baby in the womb...
With our first pregnancy we debated for a couple weeks beforehand whether we were going to try to find out the sex of the baby or not. Okay, it wasn't really a debate. Gilbert just matter of factly stated that "of course I want to know". I was tortured by wanting to know and feeling like it was "cheating" to know ahead of time. What about the centuries of women who had to wait and find out before they passed out from the pain of childbirth or once they were revived a day or two after? What if I got really comfortable with the idea of it being a boy or girl and then 4 months later---BIG SHOCK! Oops! Little "Jane" was "Jim" or vice versa. I really didn't have a wish of it being one sex or the other but if I had a vision of it being "sugar & spice" or "puppy dog tails" for so long, would my underlying expectations mess with the development of my child's identity?
So easy for Gilbert. When I started to rattle off these concerns, he just looked at me like I was speaking "Greek", sort of "shook it off" and then confidently said, "Yeah, Sure I want to find out." But he DID hear the hesitation and conflict in my voice so he suggested a "wise" compromise. My considerate husband said, "I will find out and promise not to tell you until the baby's born." My turn to look at him with a stare of incredulity that said, "Are you crazy?" What I actually said was more along the lines of "Right. Like you are going to know and I'm not?" He just shrugged. We took a peek and found out our first born was a boy. Wow. We had 4months to dream about all the things a son might do or be. And no more "the baby" this or "he/she" that---we referred to him by name and when we actually met him he was not a total stranger.
Today is my intensive ultrasound where we get to peek at all those amazing little baby parts and maybe even find out if it's "she" or "he". This is probably my favorite day of being pregnant. Someday I'm going to spring for one of those 3D picture packages where they photograph your baby in the womb...
With our first pregnancy we debated for a couple weeks beforehand whether we were going to try to find out the sex of the baby or not. Okay, it wasn't really a debate. Gilbert just matter of factly stated that "of course I want to know". I was tortured by wanting to know and feeling like it was "cheating" to know ahead of time. What about the centuries of women who had to wait and find out before they passed out from the pain of childbirth or once they were revived a day or two after? What if I got really comfortable with the idea of it being a boy or girl and then 4 months later---BIG SHOCK! Oops! Little "Jane" was "Jim" or vice versa. I really didn't have a wish of it being one sex or the other but if I had a vision of it being "sugar & spice" or "puppy dog tails" for so long, would my underlying expectations mess with the development of my child's identity?
So easy for Gilbert. When I started to rattle off these concerns, he just looked at me like I was speaking "Greek", sort of "shook it off" and then confidently said, "Yeah, Sure I want to find out." But he DID hear the hesitation and conflict in my voice so he suggested a "wise" compromise. My considerate husband said, "I will find out and promise not to tell you until the baby's born." My turn to look at him with a stare of incredulity that said, "Are you crazy?" What I actually said was more along the lines of "Right. Like you are going to know and I'm not?" He just shrugged. We took a peek and found out our first born was a boy. Wow. We had 4months to dream about all the things a son might do or be. And no more "the baby" this or "he/she" that---we referred to him by name and when we actually met him he was not a total stranger.
By the time I was pregnant with number 4, the thing we look forward to most was that ultrasound and finding out that key part of getting to know our newest family member before he? she? was even born. We ohh-ed and ahh-ed at each little perfectly formed part. We were like "Oh! The fluttery little heart!" and "There's the head!" and "What cute little toes." Our OB smiled because he knew we "had a thing for babies" like he did. Then he confirmed, "You want to know what sex the baby is if I can tell, right?" Yep. He was right; for us this was "business as usual", round 4. He moved the wand around, jiggled it a little and then said, "Hmm. You've got a modest one here. Sorry. I can't tell." We were both shocked! What! We had to go home with "the baby" and not know if this was little "Lily" or little "Joel"? He tried to reassure us that it wasn't a big deal; we'll just do another ultrasound next month to peek and see if we can tell then. HUMPH. I wasn't a happy camper but willing to be patient.
Gilbert made the effort to come to my next month's appointment simply because we were both so excited to find out if we were having a 4th boy or our first girl. It didn't matter which, we just wanted to start calling the baby by his/her name. Oh! This is not so bad. We get to see all those perfect little baby parts a second time because of the little problem of modest baby last month. Gilbert was on the edge of his seat; I was craning my neck toward the monitor like a mamma goose. And...it's...a...hmmmm. I'm now almost 7 months pregnant and HE CAN'T TELL! The baby is kind of sleepy and all curled up and it's just not possible to get a strategic angle. (I'm secretly thinking I wish I'd brought some ice to rub on my tummy and wake up the little darling.) We left the doctor's office pretty bummed and in desperate need of a hot fudge sundae.
It's a good thing we've developed a rapport with our doctor after going to him for 4 pregnancies. At least he was willing to take ANOTHER look about 6 weeks before the baby popped out, rather than pushing us into doing something so old fashioned like WAIT until the BIRTH to find out the sex of our child. This IS the 21st century, right?
Guess what! It was a GIRL! The 3rd try, Dr. Rockwell admitted that he suspected so because it's a lot harder to see something there than be confident something is not. In hindsight, this experience was a turning point. From that point on, when they couldn't tell the sex of the baby in the 5 month ulrasound---we guessed correctly it was another girl; all our boys were easy to identify with that first mid-pregnancy screeening.
Really the most important thing for us is that the baby looks healthy and we get to see the marvelous handiwork of God. (such a "pick-me-up" when I'm feeling exhausted and gigantic.) But we are human and tied to our concrete senses. Though we are mentally convinced life begins at conception, we can't really begin to know our new little person until we know him or her by name.
Who's coming to live with us this time? Brandon or Abigail? We'll let you know.
Gilbert made the effort to come to my next month's appointment simply because we were both so excited to find out if we were having a 4th boy or our first girl. It didn't matter which, we just wanted to start calling the baby by his/her name. Oh! This is not so bad. We get to see all those perfect little baby parts a second time because of the little problem of modest baby last month. Gilbert was on the edge of his seat; I was craning my neck toward the monitor like a mamma goose. And...it's...a...hmmmm. I'm now almost 7 months pregnant and HE CAN'T TELL! The baby is kind of sleepy and all curled up and it's just not possible to get a strategic angle. (I'm secretly thinking I wish I'd brought some ice to rub on my tummy and wake up the little darling.) We left the doctor's office pretty bummed and in desperate need of a hot fudge sundae.
It's a good thing we've developed a rapport with our doctor after going to him for 4 pregnancies. At least he was willing to take ANOTHER look about 6 weeks before the baby popped out, rather than pushing us into doing something so old fashioned like WAIT until the BIRTH to find out the sex of our child. This IS the 21st century, right?
Guess what! It was a GIRL! The 3rd try, Dr. Rockwell admitted that he suspected so because it's a lot harder to see something there than be confident something is not. In hindsight, this experience was a turning point. From that point on, when they couldn't tell the sex of the baby in the 5 month ulrasound---we guessed correctly it was another girl; all our boys were easy to identify with that first mid-pregnancy screeening.
Really the most important thing for us is that the baby looks healthy and we get to see the marvelous handiwork of God. (such a "pick-me-up" when I'm feeling exhausted and gigantic.) But we are human and tied to our concrete senses. Though we are mentally convinced life begins at conception, we can't really begin to know our new little person until we know him or her by name.
Who's coming to live with us this time? Brandon or Abigail? We'll let you know.
Thursday, August 9, 2007
Late Even Then?
Gilbert said that if he outlives me he is going to arrange to have my body wheeled in to the funeral 20 minutes late as a joke. I don't want to do the body-at-the-service thing so that might put a cramp in his plans...I told him he could set up a photo of me 20 min. late or start a video (if I ever make one) of me addressing people at my funeral (We had a pastor who died of cancer and his video was the thing I enjoyed the most---One last time to see him and hear his thoughts and humor... )
Plus I'd love to have a full choir sing and maybe a band---now what significant thing do I need to accomplish to warrant/earn that? I also thought it would be neat if the reception after the service all the odds n ends of party goods I have (napkins from my wedding/plates from kiddie b'days, etc.) were used for refreshments. For my kids I would hope some of those would bring back some of the best memories---themed birthday parties, special events, etc. I would love it if people went home feeling just a little odd because it seemed more like a party than a "funeral". I hope my life ends up being a reason to celebrate that I was here, my last opportunity to share my favorite things and near/dear thoughts rather than mourning the "what ifs" or apathy or a gossipy gawk fest. If I get hit by a Mack truck unexpectedly the whole thing will probably not come together unless I task Ann with it now....hmmm....
Plus I'd love to have a full choir sing and maybe a band---now what significant thing do I need to accomplish to warrant/earn that? I also thought it would be neat if the reception after the service all the odds n ends of party goods I have (napkins from my wedding/plates from kiddie b'days, etc.) were used for refreshments. For my kids I would hope some of those would bring back some of the best memories---themed birthday parties, special events, etc. I would love it if people went home feeling just a little odd because it seemed more like a party than a "funeral". I hope my life ends up being a reason to celebrate that I was here, my last opportunity to share my favorite things and near/dear thoughts rather than mourning the "what ifs" or apathy or a gossipy gawk fest. If I get hit by a Mack truck unexpectedly the whole thing will probably not come together unless I task Ann with it now....hmmm....
We Often "Intersect"---Nate Huss, Noah & Me
I want to share the story/music of Nate Huss, a young man new to the Christian music scene. I love his music and find the message to be really encouraging. http://www.natehuss.com/
My family lived down the street from the Husses while I was in High School. I babysat Nate, Gabe & Joel---the 3 youngest Husses a few times. Nate was actually the baby. My brothers played at their house several times a week for 2 years and then visited often when they were in town after they moved to Lake Havasu.
What is even neater about this "small world" connection is the influence that Nate's mom, Sylvia, had on me as a mom. She was a great role model of a loving, Godly mom with high expectations of her children. When we had 4 or 5 kids I called her up (after several years of not being in touch) and asked if she would be willing to come over to my house and talk to me about being a mother of a large family. (I also talked to another mom I knew casually who had around 7 children at the time to get a picture of what her life and thoughts were.) Sylvia was really kind to share about her life experiences and the challenges, blessings and vision that go with having a house "full".
Gilbert and I didn't "decide" to have "X" number of children (or more than "X") after I talked to him about what these ladies shared with me. We were just feeling convicted to leave the door open to having more and not ready to decide we were "done" having kids. To talk to a woman in the next season of life, someone who "survived" raising 8 really great kids was encouraging that if we had more---it could be worthwhile & fulfilling; if we didn't/couldn't, we had plenty to keep busy and we'd never wonder if we "should have" or "would have" liked to have more children. We could stop all the crazy attempts to "plan" our family which just never seemed to go as expected and was really stressful. (And I didn't have to agonize/feel irresponsible over hating feeling sick on birth control.)
The "funny" thing is that when I stumbled across Nate's music/bio a month ago, my brother, Gene, ran into Nate's brother, Dan, while they were both out of town. Brandon encouraged me to check out Nate's music/web site. About this time I was dreading telling people that I am pregnant AGAIN.
"Yes, I think we've figured out what causes 'that'."
"Yes, I would love to have complete control over my own body & drop 50 lbs. so I could feel pleased when I look in the mirror." (How embarrassing to admit my vanity.)
"Yes, money is tight, time and energy always seem taxed, our house is feeling a little crowded, getting out the door to go places feels like launching a military campaign, I don't think my faith in God's provision will ever extend to feeling like I personally (as a mom) am doing enough/the right things for my children" etc., etc.
"No, I don't know how we do 'it' (life) either." To be really honest, I have to ask God to help me not have a panic attack when I think of how everything is going to "work" come January when the baby gets here.
But Nate Huss' message/ministry helped me dream and be delighted to be pregnant---what a neat 8th kid he is! What will our 8th and 9th be like in the course of their lifetimes? If they even do one special thing---creative, helping others, good example, have children, ??---we will be so thankful we were willing to be a part of God's plan for that child's life. And my worst nightmare is the loss of any one of the children we already have. I didn't "run out of" love/wonder/thankfulness for any of them so far.
Since I've become a Christian, at different stages in my life, I feel like I've identified with my understanding or conjecture of the lives of various "characters" in the Bible.
In the last few years I often empathize with Noah & his wife. Building a ginormous boat in the middle of the desert, in a culture that seemed extremely "non nautical", with hundreds of miles to the nearest shore, because "God told them too" makes me wonder if they felt a little of what I do.
Gilbert says he's the last person he'd expect to father any kids, let alone 9. But he's convinced he wouldn't have grown, leaned on God or learned a whole lot in life if he wasn't pushed and stretched by his desire to be a good dad (over most any other goal in his life). It really seems like teaching/caring for/loving 40 years of class fulls of kids or working at an orphanage overseas would have been "cake" for me--a temptation to run my own life with way too much pride/self-confidence. But the burden of being the mother/primary caretaker of 8 of my own dependents 24/7 pushes me continually to evaluate my choices based on long term/eternity goals vs. perfectionism and just wanting to "fit in and be normal" since my background was "anything but". Oh my goodness---I've now chosen to be "weird" and "unconventional" and give people a reason to worry about my sanity!
Isn't it so cool how God is all about diversity?
We know a couple who chose to foster/adopt their 5 kids rather than have their own biological children because so many children had a terrible family situation and needed a second chance at a loving family. I knew a couple who couldn't have children. They were so lovely to me and treated me like I was their granddaughter. They did this for several children at church who didn't have extended family or grandparents nearby. My foster mom, Beth, had one biological kid, opened her heart to a teenage girl, was willing to be grafted-in family for life to her and literally has poured out herself for high school/college kids as a teacher and is so sweet to classes and classes of toddlers at church where she volunteers. My "adopted" aunt & uncle raised 3 really wonderful kids. They put in full time hours now that they are "retired" interacting with/being supportive of their grown kids & grandkids & me & my kids and reaching out to children and adults in their neighborhood through hosting small group, a teen club & a "Christmas Carol Club".
So I actually believe we aren't "weird", we are just evidence of His creativity and the freedom Christians have to live so many variations of lifestyles. We're the ones He offered the position of "homeschooling parents with lots of very active & social kids".
And with all the work and stress and insecurity and mess and laundry and lost shoes and a crazy calendar comes some incredible perks.
It's hard to remember a day without multiple hugs & kisses & "I love you mommy/mom". I am constantly amazed at the wonder of child development and the excitement of looking forward to what they will learn or do next. I can't remember very many days of boredom or loneliness. David and I both treasure the birth days of each of our children and marvel every time at what a miracle it is and how exciting to meet this precious new little person together. So many funny things are said and done by our kids. So many times they teach us things or share their thoughts or goals or stories or ideas or big questions about life with us and I am so perfectly "at home" and content to listen or discuss or share in their lives. Each child is so unique---it's like the best summer novel to watch the story of their lives unfold. When they struggle in one area and finally grow up or out of it, when they do something sacrificial or giving for a sibling or a friend or a stranger, when they strive to do well at something---I am so lucky to have a front row seat.
I hope it helps you understand why we are open to having a large family, grateful for prayers and support as we do, insecure and wanting so hard to "get it right" and honor God in the process, and willing to run a marathon-style life that requires so much time/energy/sleep deprivation/commitment, etc.
I hope you can share our joy and excitement at expecting another baby girl or boy January 18, 2008.
Oh, and another funny coincidence. Nate Huss was placed in his family by the same agency that placed me in foster care with the people I call parents 25 years later.
Small World.
My family lived down the street from the Husses while I was in High School. I babysat Nate, Gabe & Joel---the 3 youngest Husses a few times. Nate was actually the baby. My brothers played at their house several times a week for 2 years and then visited often when they were in town after they moved to Lake Havasu.
What is even neater about this "small world" connection is the influence that Nate's mom, Sylvia, had on me as a mom. She was a great role model of a loving, Godly mom with high expectations of her children. When we had 4 or 5 kids I called her up (after several years of not being in touch) and asked if she would be willing to come over to my house and talk to me about being a mother of a large family. (I also talked to another mom I knew casually who had around 7 children at the time to get a picture of what her life and thoughts were.) Sylvia was really kind to share about her life experiences and the challenges, blessings and vision that go with having a house "full".
Gilbert and I didn't "decide" to have "X" number of children (or more than "X") after I talked to him about what these ladies shared with me. We were just feeling convicted to leave the door open to having more and not ready to decide we were "done" having kids. To talk to a woman in the next season of life, someone who "survived" raising 8 really great kids was encouraging that if we had more---it could be worthwhile & fulfilling; if we didn't/couldn't, we had plenty to keep busy and we'd never wonder if we "should have" or "would have" liked to have more children. We could stop all the crazy attempts to "plan" our family which just never seemed to go as expected and was really stressful. (And I didn't have to agonize/feel irresponsible over hating feeling sick on birth control.)
The "funny" thing is that when I stumbled across Nate's music/bio a month ago, my brother, Gene, ran into Nate's brother, Dan, while they were both out of town. Brandon encouraged me to check out Nate's music/web site. About this time I was dreading telling people that I am pregnant AGAIN.
"Yes, I think we've figured out what causes 'that'."
"Yes, I would love to have complete control over my own body & drop 50 lbs. so I could feel pleased when I look in the mirror." (How embarrassing to admit my vanity.)
"Yes, money is tight, time and energy always seem taxed, our house is feeling a little crowded, getting out the door to go places feels like launching a military campaign, I don't think my faith in God's provision will ever extend to feeling like I personally (as a mom) am doing enough/the right things for my children" etc., etc.
"No, I don't know how we do 'it' (life) either." To be really honest, I have to ask God to help me not have a panic attack when I think of how everything is going to "work" come January when the baby gets here.
But Nate Huss' message/ministry helped me dream and be delighted to be pregnant---what a neat 8th kid he is! What will our 8th and 9th be like in the course of their lifetimes? If they even do one special thing---creative, helping others, good example, have children, ??---we will be so thankful we were willing to be a part of God's plan for that child's life. And my worst nightmare is the loss of any one of the children we already have. I didn't "run out of" love/wonder/thankfulness for any of them so far.
Since I've become a Christian, at different stages in my life, I feel like I've identified with my understanding or conjecture of the lives of various "characters" in the Bible.
In the last few years I often empathize with Noah & his wife. Building a ginormous boat in the middle of the desert, in a culture that seemed extremely "non nautical", with hundreds of miles to the nearest shore, because "God told them too" makes me wonder if they felt a little of what I do.
Gilbert says he's the last person he'd expect to father any kids, let alone 9. But he's convinced he wouldn't have grown, leaned on God or learned a whole lot in life if he wasn't pushed and stretched by his desire to be a good dad (over most any other goal in his life). It really seems like teaching/caring for/loving 40 years of class fulls of kids or working at an orphanage overseas would have been "cake" for me--a temptation to run my own life with way too much pride/self-confidence. But the burden of being the mother/primary caretaker of 8 of my own dependents 24/7 pushes me continually to evaluate my choices based on long term/eternity goals vs. perfectionism and just wanting to "fit in and be normal" since my background was "anything but". Oh my goodness---I've now chosen to be "weird" and "unconventional" and give people a reason to worry about my sanity!
Isn't it so cool how God is all about diversity?
We know a couple who chose to foster/adopt their 5 kids rather than have their own biological children because so many children had a terrible family situation and needed a second chance at a loving family. I knew a couple who couldn't have children. They were so lovely to me and treated me like I was their granddaughter. They did this for several children at church who didn't have extended family or grandparents nearby. My foster mom, Beth, had one biological kid, opened her heart to a teenage girl, was willing to be grafted-in family for life to her and literally has poured out herself for high school/college kids as a teacher and is so sweet to classes and classes of toddlers at church where she volunteers. My "adopted" aunt & uncle raised 3 really wonderful kids. They put in full time hours now that they are "retired" interacting with/being supportive of their grown kids & grandkids & me & my kids and reaching out to children and adults in their neighborhood through hosting small group, a teen club & a "Christmas Carol Club".
So I actually believe we aren't "weird", we are just evidence of His creativity and the freedom Christians have to live so many variations of lifestyles. We're the ones He offered the position of "homeschooling parents with lots of very active & social kids".
And with all the work and stress and insecurity and mess and laundry and lost shoes and a crazy calendar comes some incredible perks.
It's hard to remember a day without multiple hugs & kisses & "I love you mommy/mom". I am constantly amazed at the wonder of child development and the excitement of looking forward to what they will learn or do next. I can't remember very many days of boredom or loneliness. David and I both treasure the birth days of each of our children and marvel every time at what a miracle it is and how exciting to meet this precious new little person together. So many funny things are said and done by our kids. So many times they teach us things or share their thoughts or goals or stories or ideas or big questions about life with us and I am so perfectly "at home" and content to listen or discuss or share in their lives. Each child is so unique---it's like the best summer novel to watch the story of their lives unfold. When they struggle in one area and finally grow up or out of it, when they do something sacrificial or giving for a sibling or a friend or a stranger, when they strive to do well at something---I am so lucky to have a front row seat.
I hope it helps you understand why we are open to having a large family, grateful for prayers and support as we do, insecure and wanting so hard to "get it right" and honor God in the process, and willing to run a marathon-style life that requires so much time/energy/sleep deprivation/commitment, etc.
I hope you can share our joy and excitement at expecting another baby girl or boy January 18, 2008.
Oh, and another funny coincidence. Nate Huss was placed in his family by the same agency that placed me in foster care with the people I call parents 25 years later.
Small World.
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